Love, Lust and Lies: When two become one, it's much more fun

Recently I've being hearing a lot about relationships and sex — some of my friends brag about how great it is with their partner and others aren't as satisfied. That made me wonder: if you're not satisfied in the bedroom, can you really be satisfied in that relationship? The answer is NO!

So now that I have stated the obvious, the real question is, why do we as individuals attach so much value to sex in a relationship? Why is sex so important? To answer this question, I talked to students and friends who have been in a longterm relationship and are sexually active. [In no way am I encouraging people to have sex if they are in a relationship and are not ready.]

So, why do so many people find sex to be such a big part of the relationship? Here is what I found:

1. Physical chemistry has a lot to do with it. It's not enough to be attracted to a person; you also need a physical connection to create passion in a relationship. Have you ever been on a date with someone who you thought could be an Abercrombie model, but when you finally kissed, you felt like you were making out with a toad with way too much tongue? This kind of toad isn't one that turns into a Prince either. You can be physically attracted to someone, but how can you expect to make a relationship work if it doesn't go beyond that initial attraction? When a couple has sex, it creates a physical connection much deeper than holding hands or kissing ever could.

2. It's what separates friendships from relationships. Yes, in every good relationship you need communication, compatibility, compassion and trust, to name a few important qualities. But how is that description any different from how you would describe a best friend? You add the word 'sex.' Many students and friends said without sex in their relationship, they would just be really good friends who hang out a lot or roommates if they live together. For instance, look at Will and Grace. They had everything that a great relationship should have, they were extremely close, had their own personal jokes and the ability to finish each other's sentences. The only thing they were missing was sex (Will was gay), and because of that, it could not progress into anything more than an amazing friendship.

3. Plain and simple, it makes a relationship fun and exciting. It's what keeps the passion alive in a relationship. Sure, you can go on romantic dates or long walks on the beach, but add in sex and that date just jumped from PG to rated R, and I think most of us can agree we are a little old for PG. One student had a very interesting way of putting it: "Sex in a relationship is as checking is to hockey. Can you play hockey without checking? Sure, it's just not as fun. Also, if you're playing hockey without checking, you'd be hardpressed to escape the realization that you're going about things in a way reserved for kids 12 and under." Yes, you can have a relationship without sex, but the older you become, the more important sex becomes. In the end, that is what distinguishes young love from a more mature relationship (although just because you're having sex doesn't mean you're in a mature relationship).

Although most people said sex was essential, it was not the most important thing. Communication is the key to any good relationship. Yes, sex is important and it's what keeps a relationship thriving, but communication becomes more important as the relationship progresses because the better a couple is at communicating, the better the physical aspect will be. If you are afraid to communicate, the whole relationship will suffer because you may still be having sex but it might not be that good.

Sex in a relationship is like the cherry, whipped cream, sprinkles, chocolate sauce and banana to the ice cream sundae, but if your partner doesn't know you hate sprinkles, then the sundae won't taste as good and eventually you'll stop eating it.