Stopping gay suicides

MONTREAL (CUP) — One January morning a few years ago, I walked into the Pacific Ocean. My plan was not complicated — just the cold, the tide and death.

The memory of that time comes to me in quick, sensory flashes: The sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the clench of numbness around my ankles and, most vivid of all, the taste of salt.

The moment that still haunts me, though, is not that first, icy step into the water, nor is it the night that I decided to die. No, the most crushing, terrible pain I have ever felt was in the second I realized that I'd failed my suicide attempt — that I was going to live.

I was going to live on, still maybe gay, still maybe transgender, still friendless, still freakish, still ugly, still unloved. There is a tiny part of me that relives that moment constantly.

In the past month, there have been six separate homophobia-related teen suicides reported by the mainstream media. These six American teenagers, who ranged from middle school - to college-aged, are not statistics. They are real, unique people who led real, unique lives.

They represent, both individually and collectively, what has been for generations an open secret among gay, lesbian and transgender youth — that living in a homophobic world is the kind of silent hell that makes death attractive.

Ellen DeGeneres recently said on her talk show, “One gay teen suicide is a tragedy; four is an epidemic.” Yet the sad reality of the situation is that this “epidemic” has been quietly murdering untold numbers of young people for years, and none of the survivors escape unscathed.

Six teenagers lost in one dark September is heartbreaking news. We need to remember, however, that these six are only the latest to lose their lives. I don't doubt that every day, there is a person who attempts suicide in response to the constant threat of physical or emotional violence because of their sexual orientation.

These children and youth must come to terms with the knowledge that as long as they live, there will be people who will discriminate against them and revile them. Death is only one facet of the terrible reality that homophobia can create, and for many, life, too, contains horror and despair.

As humans, as activists, we are told that hope is the answer, that we must remind these young people that life gets better. Indeed, the It Gets Better Project is an Internet initiative that many, including its founder, sex columnist Dan Savage, have begun to take part in, making videos that remind gay, lesbian and transgender youth that life after school does indeed get better.

But hope is only half the battle. For some of us — the lucky ones — life does get better as we move on, change social circles and grow older. Others are not so lucky.

Some, like Seth Walsh, Billy Lucas and Asher Brown, are lost to suicide. Some live in hell for years, in that terrible space between life and death. It is time that we stopped waiting for life to get better. It is time we made it better.

For every homophobic attack, we must band together tighter; for every insult, we must cry out in answer. We will fight for those who are feeling lost, freakish, ugly, unloved — we will fight and we will live.

Editorial opinions or comments expressed in this online edition of Interrobang newspaper reflect the views of the writer and are not those of the Interrobang or the Fanshawe Student Union. The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd., P.O. Box 7005, London, Ontario, N5Y 5R6 and distributed through the Fanshawe College community. Letters to the editor are welcome. All letters are subject to editing and should be emailed. All letters must be accompanied by contact information. Letters can also be submitted online by clicking here.
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