20 Questions
1. What is something about you that most people don't know?
About 60 years ago I had an affair that resulted in an illegitimate daughter, Martha Stewart.
2. If you were on a deserted island and could only bring one item or person with you, what would it be?
The gingerbread man.
3. What is your greatest indulgence?
Mrs. Claus has a nurse outfit that she wears once and a while, and when she does we indulge all night long!
4. What was your favourite television show growing up?
We didn't have TV in the 17th Century, but I was quite fond of playing with my Linkin' Logs.
5. Who is your favourite band/group/musician?
I like to listen to my brother's band, ZZ Top.
6. What is the best piece of advice you've ever received?
Wearing red will give people the impression that you are confident and outgoing.
7. Who is your role model?
Thieves — they know how to get in and out of homes without going down those dirty chimneys. You should see my dry cleaning bill!
8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose to live?
Probably Aspen; I love to ski!
9. What was your first job?
I was a newspaper delivery boy.
10. What is your dream job?
To drive a Zamboni.
11. What is your opinion on reality TV shows? Which one do you think goes too far?
Most are okay, but I don't like the Biggest Loser. People need to understand that it's okay to be jolly!
12. What stresses you out?
The reindeer when they start playing their games.
13. Do you consider yourself a risk taker? If so, what is the biggest risk you've taken?
If traveling around the world in 24 hours in a sleigh powered by reindeer and shoving myself down millions of chimneys isn't risky, I don't know what is.
I already can foresee everything and I hate it. I'd give anything to not be able to see you when you're sleeping and know when you're awake.
15. If you were in a big crowd and were trying to get a celebrity's attention, what would you yell?
I would sit them down in my lap and ask them what they want for Christmas. That always works.
16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish I didn't have to wear this damn hat. I know its tradition and everything but it looks ridiculous.
17. What actor would you choose to play you in a movie?
Anyone other than Tim Allen, really. He does a terrible job!
18. If you could have three wishes fulfilled, what would they be?
That all Santa imposters go to AA — they're giving me a bad name; 2. to have Xibit pimp my ride; and 3. for looser workers' rights regulations.
19. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Hell no, Mrs. Claus was mail order. What other kind of woman would move to the North Pole?
20. When and where was your last vacation?
Last Boxing Day I took the morning off.
