Love Lola: Xbox lover, the banker and basic instinct

Dear Lola,
My boyfriend used to be attentive and sweet, but lately all he seems to care about is playing Xbox with his friends. I don't mean getting together with his buddies; he plays Xbox live all night with his friends, every single night. I go to bed at midnight, hoping he'll follow, but he never makes it until at least 3 a.m. I'm losing my mind, how do I get his head out of the game?
Game Over


Dear Over,
Sounds like that slacker boyfriend of yours sure has his priorities figured out, unfortunately you're not one of them! Joining his boys for a night on the town or catching a game on the weekend is normal, healthy behaviour. Spending his nights role-playing in a futuristic war game, blowing up his friends and fighting to complete the Golden Triangle of Halo is so lame I could just cry.

Pulling all-nighters for online combat should be reserved for hopeless, single men who are socially inept and have resigned themselves to a life of virtual, virginal pleasure. But your boyfriend has access to warm, real pleasure in an eager, restless package waiting for him down the hall and yet he chooses to join forces with his frat boys rather than shut down his system and join forces with you.

Sadly, this is a common quandary for the 21st century romance. We live in a world of immediate gratification where hopes and desires can be instantly realized through an iPhone app or by Twitter-ing our needs to the universe. Long gone are the days of hard work, steady progress and subtle, simple steps towards a single goal or a single moment of passion. Now, most people collect relationships like they collect gadgets and downloads. Once you were securely in your boyfriend's pocket, or bedroom, you quickly became an object he had “acquired” and now he's onto his next conquest. This new goal might be a high score on Halo 3 or mapping the Forge in some pathetic game.

Your boyfriend is simply a by-product of the “Me” generation that created him. Like many guys his age, he has an inflated sense of entitlement that has left him selfish, inconsiderate and unbelievably ignorant. The sad truth is, he probably has no clue how it makes you feel when he chooses Halo over handholding. Sit him down tonight, away from his laptop and iPod, tell him how you feel. Offer him a reason to take off that ridiculous headset and join you.

Good Luck,

Dear Lola,
I'm a fairly good-looking guy, I have a lot of friends and I go out every weekend. I'm in university full-time and between school and my social life I don't really have much time for dating. The problem is, I'm not even interested in dating anyone. Sure I see pretty girls on campus, but I never want to ask one out or even hit on girls in bars. I think I'm just too busy, but my friends think I'm nuts. Could I be gay?
Homosapien?


Dear Ape,
Oh sweetie, I think it's pretty adorable that you're attempting to equate a dry spell in your love life to a complete overhaul of your sexual orientation. If going more than a few years without a mate was enough to turn someone onto a same sex tango I know more than a dozen cat-loving, scrapbooking ladies from my work who are about to become a hot, steamy pile of lesbians!

See, being “gay” or homosexual, as we like to call it in 2010, actually means that you are sexually attracted to men. You want to kiss them, snuggle them and make sweet, sweet love to them. Is this what you're feeling? If you're honestly feeling an aversion to women and have been noticing some fine looking guys in your psychology lectures, than this certainly could be the beginning of a very exciting, tantalizing time of self-discovery. If, on the other hand, your life is simply so hectic with writing essays, studying for finals and hanging out with your friends that you just don't have enough time in your day to be someone's 100 per cent devoted boyfriend than that just makes you busy sweetie, not gay.

Girlfriends are a lot of work. They're complicated, sensitive creatures that demand physical and emotional attention. Being a great boyfriend requires time and energy that you honestly might not have right now.

A man's heterosexuality is not measured by the depth of dust on his headboard. You could go until graduation without tapping a freshman and you're probably not going to get any “gayer.”

Truthfully, if you like girls, if you're attracted to girls, if you find personal pleasure in girls than chances are you're as straight as the average guy. Chances are also good that you're a tad smarter than the average guy. Girls will give you a lifetime of endless, crazy, distraction, but university is only four short years. You'll have plenty of time to chase that tail post grad. Hopefully by then you'll have figured out if you're chasing boys or girls.

Good Luck!

Dear Lola,
I've been dating my boyfriend for one year. When we met, we had both just finished college. He worked his butt off and graduated with no debt, clean credit and even had a healthy savings account. I felt like I'd found my financial soul mate! I've always been very careful with money and I want a husband who is the same way. Recently he's begun buying pointless items like DVD box sets, eating out constantly and even bought some furniture on a high interest store account. I don't know what's happening, but I'm completely turned off. Can I dump someone because he's a credit risk?
Risky Business


Dear Risky,
Oh, there's nothing quite like a man's bank statement to get a girl's blood pumping. Nothing gets me fired up more quickly than a low-interest line of credit with a zero balance. I can feel the hum of my calculator in my hands and I add his assets and tally his credit score. Hot! Hot! Hot!

Sweetie, I'm touched that your mama taught you to find a man who could provide for you and give you some white-picket version of happiness and tie it up with a bright red debt-free ribbon. Looks like you almost had him too, until this doofus had to go and discover his inner frat boy and purchase the Die Hard Trilogy and a pair of leather recliners.

Truthfully, if he had it in him to work through college the way you describe, that work ethic is still buried inside this new flashier version. Give him a break; he's done school and trying to enjoy himself. Until you're married or sharing your money, his choices are his.

Relax, you're not his mom.

Love Lola

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