Cinema Connoisseur: Killer snowman flick Jack Frost has bite

Jack Frost (1996)

Winter is upon us. Sure, it has been unseasonably warm this year, but sooner or later, we are bound to be up to our knees in snow. Is there anything worse than shoveling snow, or trying to walk through it?

Yes, there is something worse. Just imagine that the snow was trying to kill you. On second thought, you don't have to imagine it. That's because two brilliant writers by the name of Michael Cooney (no relation to George Clooney, seeing as they have different last names) and Jeremy Paige have already imagined it for you. Not only did they imagine it, they wrote it down on some paper, hired some actors to read their words out loud, and even decided to film the whole damn thing! They called it Jack Frost, and it is the subject of this week's review.

In the film, a serial killer by the name of Jack Frost is being transported to his execution. Things go awry when the vehicle he is contained in drives through a small town called Snowmonton (a town that I have yet to find in any atlas). A crash into a tanker containing genetic materials causes Jack to fuse together with snow on the road.

So Jack Frost is now a snowman — and still a killer. The film's tagline says it best - “He's chillin' and killin.'”


Jack Frost terrorizes the residents of Snowmonton, leaving a pile of corpses in his wake. Fortunately the town's sheriff, who originally helped put Jack behind bars, is brave enough to stand up to Jack. He leads what is left of the population of Snowmonton into a thrilling final confrontation with Jack.

Jack Frost is not only the finest serial killer snowman film ever released in North America, but also it is also notable due to the fact that it is the first film to star silver screen legend Shannon Elizabeth.

Elizabeth went on to star in films such as American Pie, American Pie 2 and... well, I'm sure there were countless others as well. It was Jack Frost that launched her career into the stratosphere.

Shannon plays Jill, the town's easiest girl. Just hours after she finds that her younger brother was murdered (by old Frosty), she decides it would be a good idea for her and a young gentleman to break into the sheriff's house and fornicate. We all mourn in different ways I suppose. Before they do this, she tells the young man to run her a bath and open up some champagne while she blow-dries her hair. I thought she was supposed to be easy! But this tease is making the poor fellow run around and complete all of these chores.

Before she has the chance to make him wash the bed sheets so they smell ‘Downy fresh,' and install some new furnace filters, Jill encounters the maniacal snowman. While Jill is bathing, Jack Frost materializes from the water, and his carrot nose is no longer on his face. It has been lowered, so that he can violate her until she dies!

To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time in motion picture history that a snowman has raped a woman with a carrot, and caused her death. But then I haven't seen every movie. It just goes to show that the old expression is true — carrots are good for your eyes, not your vag-eye-na.

I can't imagine that you could possibly have read through this entire article. Surely you tossed the newspaper aside after the third paragraph so you could head online to order your own copy of Jack Frost. If you haven't already done that, let me reiterate that this is a film about a killer snowman. It's perfect for winter viewing, Halloween viewing or any old day of the year viewing. I give it five snowballs out of five.