Cinema Connoisseur: Forget sequels, these films are more than equal

It is going to be a big summer for movie fans. There is a plethora of sure-fire box office hits to be released in the coming weeks, including Spiderman 3, Life Free or Die Hard, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Transformers, Ocean's 13….hey, I just noticed that all of the movies I listed are slated to be part of the FSU's First Run Film series this summer. What a coincidence! I should mention that you can purchase your tickets at the Biz Booth for a low price. But enough schilling for the FSU, if you want more details, head over to the FSU's website at www.fsu.on.ca - that site is as hot as the Buffalo Style Chicken Fingers served at the Out Back Shack, which is open 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. during the summer months.

Now I'm sure you all know about the blockbusters that I mentioned above, but here are a few movies that likely won't have $150 million marketing campaigns behind them, but are every bit as good, if not better than the Shrek The Third's of the world.

The Ex (May 11)
The stars of two of the all-time funniest sitcoms get together on the big screen. Zach Braff (“Scrubs”) and Jason Bateman (“Arrested Development”) team up for this tale of a slacker (Braff) who goes to work for his father-in-law, and discovers that one of the other employees (Bateman) is his wife's ex-boyfriend. Wackiness is destined to ensue. Also features Charles Grodin, star of the classic canine series Beethoven. What more can you ask for?

DOA: Dead or Alive (June 22)
DOA was originally a series of martial arts style video games that morphed into a series of beach volleyball games, where virtual scantily clad ladies bumped and spiked for the amusement of hornballs young and old. Well, now it's a movie! Four females, among them a ninja, a jewel thief and a pro wrestler arrive on a mysterious island for a fight tournament. They quickly turn from rivals to allies, as they must face a greater foe - while wearing bikinis. Perhaps a better title for the film would be Bikini Ninja Warriors Volume 1, although I might just be saying that because I own the rights to that name, and would be in line for a hefty payday. Jaime Pressly of “My Name is Earl” stars in this one.

Black Sheep (sometime in June)
Things are going to get wild and woolly at the box office. An experiment at a farm goes wrong, turning hundreds of sheep into bloodthirsty killers. There is no way this one will be baaaaaaaaaaad. Horror fans are sure to flock to the theatres. I'm all out of sheep puns, hopefully I'll have more by the time I review this film.


Bratz: The Movie (August 10)
I don't really know much about the Bratz phenomenon, other than the fact that it is a line of dolls with oversized heads. It may also be a TV show or breakfast cereal. Well, now it's a movie, and one starring none other than Paula Abdul! If Paula was boozing while this film was in production, it will be a winner, straight up.

Mr. Bean's Holiday
With apologies to mimes everywhere, few people have been able to generate as many laughs with as little dialogue as Rowan Atkinson in his role as Mr. Bean. Ten years after Bean's first foray onto the silver screen became one of the highest grossing films in U.K. history, he returns and gets himself into more mayhem and shenanigans. In this one he travels to France and accidentally causes a father and son to be separated, and must work to reunite them. Willem Dafoe (The Green Goblin of Spiderman fame) co-stars. On second thought, I want to take back my earlier apology to mimes. They can kiss my ass, if they ever find their way out of that invisible box.