CREDIT: CANDIS BROSS
You might call it "spanking the monkey" but we call it "fun".

Flogging the log. Polishing the pearl. Spanking the monkey. Scratching the record. Flicking the bean. Jacking it in San Diego. Jilling off. Playing the hairy banjo. Wanking it. Feeding the beaver. Beating off. Waking the dragon. Spit-shining the water pump. Taming the one-eyed trouser snake. Giving the cat a ball of yarn. Playing the skin flute.

No matter what you call it, masturbation is a great solo or group activity that anyone can enjoy.

Masturbation has been proven to have innumerable health effects, from curing headaches to boosting the immune system to helping prevent prostate cancer. For those facing insomnia and needing to find a way to stop overthinking assignments and drama, masturbation can be the best five minutes of the day.

After all, there is no better way to say, “I need some time to myself” than to take time to explore your own body. Knowing your body can also have great benefits for your self-esteem and confidence as you learn to enjoy and make yourself feel sexy.

In men, there have been several studies that have suggested that ejaculation frequently reduces the overall risk of prostate cancer, and there also appears to be evolutionary benefits. Many members of the animal kingdom masturbate, from dogs to monkeys to whales, and it’s believed that this provides the function of keeping sperm in tiptop shape.

For women who have particularly bad menstrual cramps, masturbating can increase the blood flow to the area, which usually greatly relieves the symptoms. In fact, female orgasms have proven to be so effective at pain relief that some cultures use nipple or clitoral stimulation almost in the same way Western cultures use epidurals during labour.

For both sexes, masturbation is a great way to exercise pelvic muscles, which cannot only increase sexual ability, but also prevents incontinence and impotence. There also seems to be some evidence that orgasms can increase your white blood cell count, meaning making yourself cum might keep you from getting the flu.

On top of all the health benefits for solo work, mutual masturbation can have some wonderful relationship benefits. The easiest way to get someone to treat you the way you like, after all, is to give your partner a show-and-tell.

This is where you can demonstrate the speed, pressure and motions you love as well as your favourite spots to be touched. Being comfortable enough to masturbate in front of your partner (or partners) can also open up communication for other activities, creating a wonderful back-and-forth conversation that can guide you to the best experience for all involved.

There are some potential issues that can be caused by masturbation, although most of these can be easily solved. Perhaps the biggest problem occurs when masturbation becomes too routine and you pleasure yourself the same way every time.

For those with penises, it’s important to change your pacing and grip strength and try to cum with different pressures. This will both prevent you from accidentally training yourself to always need to cum the same way, and can help you get off quicker when you do have a partner. Using condoms sometimes, especially with a small dap of water- based lubricant on the inside, is a great way to get used to the feeling of them and gives you time to explore and find a brand or type that feels best for you.

For those with clitorises, it’s not a bad idea to grab a mirror and take a good look while exploring with your fingers. You may be sensitive to certain pressures or areas, and it really is best to learn that on your own before trying to direct a partner to the best areas. Dildos and vibrators can be great fun, but it’s important to remember to clean them properly after each use – although if you’re lazy, feel free to slap a condom on that puppy and simply toss after playtime is over.

There are some things that masturbation won’t do, no matter how often you do it. Old tales of people going blind or growing hair in odd places after masturbating too much are completely made up – although it is possible to lose sight for a moment or two after an especially powerful orgasm.

You also won’t get acne, and there is no such thing as too much or too little masturbation. Everyone has their own sex drive and their own normal level. If you find you’re getting raw or chafing, the problem is probably that you aren’t using enough lubricant, regardless of how often you’re milking the moose or stirring the soup.

Exploring yourself, alone or with friends, is great for a ton of different reasons. Just remember to play in private. After all, awkward requests to join are best avoided.