CREDIT: ALEXKICH / ISTOCK / THINKSTOCK
Anastasia Steele, we're concerned and we just want the best for you.

I’ve read your memoir, Fifty Shades of Grey, and I see why you wrote me. The situation you describe between you and Mr. Grey – your romance, if that’s what you want to call it – does have some very troubling signs.

There’s something I want to tell you first, before anything else. You are a valuable human being and shouldn’t feel the need to change for anyone, ever. I know you think of yourself as unattractive, but even if you were, you would still have value as a person.

Everyone, regardless of their appearance, has the right to be treated by all others as an equal. This idea you have that Mr. Grey is in any way “out of your league”, and his attempts to enforce this perception through wowing you with expensive gifts and condescension is simply wrong.

Moving on to the book you sent me. First, I have to say Ana that it was really difficult to read. I feel like you reach for a thesaurus when you should be opening your dictionary. Not every sentence needs fifty adjectives, as fond as I know you are of that number.

You also fall into the blunder of telling the audience what people are thinking or feeling instead of showing them through their actions. Since you aren’t a professional writer, I can forgive this, but if you really are planning on continuing to write about this ill-advised affair, you should think about taking a class in Creative Writing 101.

Moving on to your relationship with Mr. Grey. Ana, I have to say, the warning signs were there from the beginning. Now, I’m not talking about his cryptic “I’m not for you” crap, which was obviously a successful attempt to manipulate your curiosity and make you think of him as dark and mysterious.

No, I’m talking about him showing up at your house uninvited, obsessively messaging you and slowly cutting you off from your friends and family. If you feel you can’t hang out with someone you’ve known for four years without fearing the person you’re with, then you really shouldn’t be with that person.

There are healthy ways to participate in BDSM. Mr. Grey does discuss safe words in that odd contract he made you sign – although those should have been item number one, not inserted later as an afterthought. Also, those should have been discussed before the first time he tied you up. It may be light, but any situation where someone is being dominant should have safeguards for the comfort of everyone involved.

I strongly dislike you using the word “whore” to describe yourself and “depraved” to describe Mr. Grey. Having and enjoying sex, even kinky sex, is perfectly healthy if done in a trusting and importantly, non-manipulative manner. Mr. Grey isn’t depraved because he’s into tying you up. He’s a monster because he controls you without your permission and strikes you in anger (and no, that isn’t a natural part of a Dom-sub relationship).

I really do hope you’ll consider permanently ending it with this man. He clearly sees you as just another one of his many possessions, and you deserve better.

Best Wishes,

Pam-Marie