When your partner has the blues

Header image for Interrobang article CREDIT: LOVING A PARTNER WHO DEALS WITH MENTAL ILLNESS IS WORTH THE CHALLENGE.
HALA GHONAIM

The FSU’s Mental Health & Wellness Awareness Week may have passed, but it’s still important to keep mental wellness in mind throughout the year.

Albert Ramos (name changed to protect his partner) is a first year student in Fanshawe’s Social Service Worker program. He is also in a relationship with a woman who battles with depression. He wanted to share their experiences together.

It took his partner a while to talk to him about what she deals with.

“She would talk about the pills she was taking and I asked her what they were for,” Ramos said.

“One day she had a low moment and she finally told me that she battles depression and we just talked about it.”

He and his partner have been in a relationship for about a year and live together. Because one of them has a mental illness, their daily lives tend to look different than most couples.

“We have great conversations and there’s usually lots of laughter,” he said. “But when she has a bad day we just have to work harder.”

Ramos talked about what a bad day for the couple looked like.

“She just couldn’t stop crying and nothing that would normally cheer her up worked,” he said. “It led to her wanting to be alone so she could cope with it. I didn’t understand and felt really unwanted.”

“You can end up feeling unwanted and helpless in a relationship where one partner has a mental illness.”

It’s helpful to have a routine or a plan for when your partner does have low moments. Ramos sings to his partner and tries to make her laugh. They have a routine for when things are really bad.

“‘Broken robot’ is kind of like our code [phrase] when she’s feeling sad,” he said. “It started when she had her first bad day in front of me. I think she was crying over a dead bug, and I jokingly said I ‘broke her’ so I held her in my arms and just let her cry it out.”

“I ask her how she is feeling and what I can do to help. If she wants to talk, I just listen. It’s not about me; it’s about helping her.”

Mental illness can put a strain on the relationship. At first, Ramos wasn’t sure if he could handle the hard times.

“My love for her overcomes those doubts and tough times,” he said. “I won’t walk away just because she faces this illness. I want to be there when she is finally able to live with it, pill free and fully happy.”

When things get tough, Ramos remembers the Elton John song, “I Guess That’s Why They Call it The Blues.”

The lyrics “But more than ever, I simply love you more than life itself” ring true for him and his partner.

“You need to always remember the love you feel for that person,” he said.

“She has that hope that I’m here not just as boyfriend and best friend, but also as support. No matter what happens between us, she knows I will always be there by her side.”

Dating someone with depression takes a great amount of patience and love.