Nate Phelps on cult life and extreme religion

WINDSOR (CUP) - Nate Phelps left home the day he turned 18 and has pursued a path his father probably deems hell worthy, committing himself to fighting the extremism infamous Westboro Baptist Church pastor and his own father, Fred Phelps, represents.

Despite being raised by a father whose church has picketed the funerals of soldiers and homosexuals for religious reasons, Phelps is an outspoken lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) rights advocate and a passionate speaker against child abuse and religious extremism.

The sixth of 13 children, Phelps describes his upbringing as “busy” and remembers being held to the rigid religious standards set by his parents.

As he got older, he began to see a violent side to his father's religious extremism and noticed how secluded his family was from the rest of the community as a result.

“I remember early on, from the time I was 10 years old or maybe younger, that there were some things my father taught that didn't resonate with me,” said Phelps. “The way he treated people ... I was uncomfortable with it.

“The fact that he justified it with verses from the Bible, I can't say I was anti-religious at that point, but I was confused about that idea that we were supposed to treat people the way he was treating them.”

When Phelps turned 18 he left his home in Topeka, Kansas and moved to California, but Phelps said the idea of running away first occurred to him several years earlier.

When Phelps was 16, his brother Mark escaped from the family to start a new life elsewhere. Inspired by his brother's example, Phelps bought a car for $300 and made his own secret plans to leave.

“I hid it - parked it several blocks away from the house and moved it every couple days to make sure it didn't get towed,” said Phelps. “Over the final months, I was packing things away and hiding them in the garage, so nobody in the family knew that that was what I was planning.”

The risks of leaving the Phelps' family household were anything but trivial. When Nate's older sister Kathy left at the age of 17, their father tracked her down.

“[He] loaded two cars with the kids and himself and we drove over there commando style. She was leaving the house to go on a date with some fellow. We blocked his car and pushed her into one of our cars and drove home,” said Phelps.

Once home, Kathy's father locked her away in a room, forced her on a fast and physically abused her for months.

“He tried to beat some truth into her. That's how he put it,” said Phelps. “I knew exactly what I was facing if anybody found out what I was planning on doing.”

Approximately four years after leaving, Phelps' sisters reached out to him promising that “things were different,” so Phelps returned to Topeka for 10 months only to leave the place for good.

“One of the things you are told is that, if you leave, God is going to hurt you and punish you,” he said. “So when the kids left, and quite a few did, they would have something bad happen and the first thing they thought was that God was punishing them, so they would go back to be safe.”

Since Nate left in the mid-‘70s, his father and the Westboro Baptist Church have become the very image of hate in America. They began getting attention in 1991 when they held a series of homophobic protests at a park in Topeka.

In the last 20 years, the Westboro Baptist Church has picketed over 50,000 funerals, churches and events with their anti- America, anti-gay and anti-Semitic signs held high.

For Phelps, being an advocate for the dangers of religion and child abuse is something that he understands intimately and believes that he was given a unique opportunity.

“I was given a voice because of who my family is and I think it would be a waste if I didn't take advantage of this opportunity to try and explain myself as best I could to the people out there, so they at least understand there's a different perspective,” said Phelps.

People who may be questioning the faith in which they were raised could also find solace in listening to Phelps' talks. He believes that one of the biggest problems people face is the social and cultural question of how to get along with family and friends when you start to question your faith.

“The best advice I gave myself was to keep questioning, to keep asking, to keep searching, ultimately to hold the leaders who were telling me these things accountable for the evidence,” said Phelps.

Phelps urges people to ask themselves if they are prepared to make that shift and deliberately hurt their relationships. But he advised that there are organizations out there that provide help and support to people who are on that journey. The Windsor/Essex County Atheist Society is one of those groups. President and founder Shawna Scott hopes to provide social support to people who are nonbelievers and said that people should find Nate Phelps's story to be inspiring.

“The Westboro Baptist Church is very well known in the media and I think that will be of interest to people who have studied the impact of child abuse. It might be of interest to students who have experienced religious indoctrination themselves. Also some people are fascinated by his journey from extremism, rationality, free thought, critical thinking and atheism and find his story very inspirational,” said Scott. “It really highlights his resilience.”

Scott, a second-year PhD student at the University of Windsor studying clinical psychology, started the group on Facebook in 2010, and the group kept growing, eventually becoming a ratified university group in 2011, boasting 375 members.

“When I heard about Nate Phelps and how he's now the Centre For Inquiry Calgary executive director, now an LGBT advocate, I was amazed by his journey and a lot of people in the club are so excited to hear how he went from such an extreme ideology to one in which he is open minded and tolerant of other people,” said Scott.

Phelps is now working on a book, which is yet to be titled or released. He has found the process of writing to be both difficult and therapeutic and he hopes it will help others in similar situations.

“That's the only reason I'm writing. When I started talking and I started getting emails and having conversations with people, not only people who are involved in religious extremism like I was, but people in the gay community relate to a lot of the points that I make,” said Phelps.