Cinema Connoisseur: 2013 and 2014 in a nutshell

Header image for Interrobang article CREDIT: DISNEYNATURE
Bears is sure to be a growly good time.

Happy New Year, #Fanshawe! My New Year's resolution was to use more hashtags in #everyday sentences, and I #plan to stick to it.

This week I'll be taking a look at the top movie-related stories of 2013, and also taking a look ahead to what Hollywood has in store for all of us this year. By the way, there is no truth to the rumour that I had to resort to this look forward/look back article because I drank too much eggnog at Christmas and tried to heat up a waffle in my DVD player.

The death of Paul Walker
On November 30, 2013, Paul Walker, perhaps best known for his work in the Fast and Furious films, perished in a car crash. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was tell my children that Walker had passed away. “Who is he? Is he in our family?” asked my five-year-old daughter. “Yes, he is in all of our families,” I replied, fighting back the tears.

I wasn't the only one in mourning. Millions took to social media to express their sorrow. Not everyone appreciated this, however. Some said that thousands of children die every week around the globe, and no one thinks to tweet about them. Well, that is a tragedy, however, could thousands of children have shined so brightly costarring with Vin Diesel and The Rock? I think not. You could probably only fit like 12 of them in one of those cars.

I urge you all to not make the mistake of waiting until your favourite movie star has passed away before you take to social media to express your love for them. Get on Twitter or Facebook right now and tell Jason Statham how he brightens your day. Let Milla Jovovich know how much she means to you. Tell Ashton Kutcher that he completes you.

Les Schtroumpfs triumph
Les Schtroumpfs 2, a Belgian film about little blue creatures who come to Earth to engage in zany shenanigans with Neil Patrick Harris was a surprise hit at the box office, generating nearly $350 million worldwide. That total should grow even bigger with Oscar season approaching. Like a Schtroumpf, I will be feeling awfully blue if this little film doesn't pick up some major awards in the coming months.

Sharknado causes a big storm
July 11, 2013 is a day that will go down in annals of history. The landmark film Sharknado, about tornadoes that lift sharks out of the water right into the streets of Los Angeles premiered on the ScyFy channel in the U.S. on that date, causing a social media stir that basically shut down the Internet due to the high volume of enthusiastic tweets. BlackBerry still hasn't recovered as a result. If you have been living under a rock, and didn't see Sharknado — well, first of all, why would you live under a rock? I can't think of a less comfortable place to take up residence. But if you are steadfast in your desire to live under a rock, then make sure that rock has Internet access, and get on Netflix, which is streaming the film. You will need to be all caught up by July of this year, when Sharknado 2: The Second One debuts.

What to look forward to in 2014
As great as 2013 was, 2014 is set to make it look like a steaming pile of rubbish! Over 10,000 movies will be released, and only 9,500 of them are pornographic. Here are some of the most anticipated offerings:

Noah: Just in time for Easter, theatres will be flooded with customers due to the release of Darren Aronofsky's take on the classic tale of Noah. Russell Crowe stars as Noah, and this reviewer's all-time favourite actress Jennifer Connelly stars as his wife. Is it a sin to be aroused during a film based on the Bible?

Bears: Arriving in theatres this April is the Disneynature documentary Bears, which tells the tale of two mother bears who try to teach life lessons to their young cubs. The entire main cast is comprised of real live bears. Apparently Jason Bateman wasn't available. I for one can bear-ly contain my excitement. Is it a sin to be aroused during a film about bears?

Expendables 3: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the gang return, and this time the testosterone level gets kicked up several more notches. Joining the cast are Wesley Snipes, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Antonio Banderas and Frasier star Kelsey Grammer. I grew a beard just thinking about this film.

Also expected to do fairly well at the box office are The Amazing Spider-Man 2, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Transformers 4: Age of Extinction, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, The LEGO Movie and Captain America: The Winter Soldier.