Chat With Nat - Dealing with social media snubs

Dear Nat,
Recently my friend and I had a HUGE (and I mean HUGE) blowup over a guy. My friend and I have known each other since Grade 1, and we pretty much ended the friendship over this dude, who we only met at school this year. The short version of it is, we both crushed on him from afar, and when he started making moves on my friend, I told her I'd back off. But then he started coming on to me too, and so my friend and I ended up both getting together with him (not at the same time!). After we found out that he'd made moves on both of us, we had a massive fight about it. He ended up choosing her, but I guess my exfriend's having a hard time getting over the fact that he was with me too, because she's posting horrible things about me on Facebook, but since she never directly mentions my name in any postings (though they are clearly about me... unless she knows a lot of “straw-haired skags”), I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. Can you help?
— Double Snubbed


Dear Double Snubbed,
You might be feeling double snubbed, but this guy sounds like double trouble! Coming onto you and your best friend when he most likely knows how close you two are was a huge mistake on his part, so get your friend to realize that. Instead of lashing out at each other, you two should assemble and forget his sorry ass.

If you can't seem to get your friend to talk to you in person, be the bigger person here and reach out to her over the computer or text. Let her know how stupid you think it is that after all these years, your friendship is being torn apart over a guy that you just met a few months ago. Yes, you hooked up with him, but how were you supposed to know he was doing the same to her too?!

If you've made attempts to reach out to her and you still aren't successful, just let it be. Don't involve yourself in his business or hers; simply let everyone cool down and get over it. This isn't the first time in the history of hook-ups and friendships that two besties crushed on the same person, and trust me, it won't be the last! The whole reason why you two get along so well is probably because you both share common interests, only this time, the interest was over a person and not a cute pair of shoes.

During this time apart from your friend, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate your friendship with this girl: does it feel very one-sided? Is it usually her getting her way or you getting yours? Does she really have the right to be pissed off, or is she simply blowing this whole situation out of proportion? Considering all these factors will allow you to better analyze how serious the situation is and whether it should be you apologizing, or her. Really weigh out every angle before putting your head on the chopping block — it could save you further problems down the road.

Finally, don't stoop to her level of posting hurtful statuses over any social media waves. Being an open vault of emotion (be it happy or sad) online is pretty annoying. If this is how she deals with her problems and feeling better about herself, then all to her, but don't feel like you need to fight fire with fire. Let her publicly get it out of her system if she needs to, but I'd suggest continuing to deal with this on a more private level on your part. If you two ever decide to make amends and sort things out, she'll have a lot more explaining to do (primarily because of those statues) than you do.

If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.