Chat With Nat - Helicopter mama is out of control

Dear Nat,
Before I start this letter, I want to make something clear: I love my mom and I know she just wants what's best for me. But she's driving me crazy! I'm a man in my mid-20s, and my mom can't seem to accept the fact that I'm an adult. My mom wants to do everything for me, from folding my laundry to cooking to helping me with my homework, which I appreciate at times, but it's constant. It's like she thinks I can't do anything on my own. She was a single mom and it's just been her and me since I was a little kid, but it seems like she hasn't been able to move on from those days. What can I do to show her I can take care of myself?
- Not A Baby Helicopter


Dear Not a Baby Helicopter,
Sounds like right now, you are (and have been for a while) the only consistent male in her life. Be patient with your mother as her actions are simply done out of unconditional love for you.

On the other hand, I understand her overbearing behaviour can hold you back from properly transitioning into adulthood. In an effort to grow into your own individual self, you must be given the opportunity to make your own decisions in life, not to mention your own mistakes. You need to calmly express to her that if she wants you to be a successful, independent and capable young man, she's going to have to loosen the leash a bit.

Don't be worried if, at first, your mother takes these commentaries of independence the wrong way. Sure, it might feel like you're pushing her away in the beginning, but just like a metaphorical flower, you can't blossom with a shadow constantly hovering over you. You need this time to learn how to live for yourself or suffer the consequences of being a codependent person for the rest of your life.

In an effort to break off, consider getting your own place or keeping yourself busier. A busy schedule with lots of social activities with other people (whether it's an intramural sports team, an on-campus club, or a part-time job) will give you another outlet to see how other people your own age are living and becoming responsible for their own lives. Hopefully, by witnessing how others have come to do it, you'll find the motivation and guts to go ahead and conquer it head on. Who knows? Some of these new friends could also have gone through the same thing that you're currently experiencing, and can give you advice on how they distanced themselves from their parents without totally breaking ties.

All in all, you need to sit your mother down and talk to her faceto- face. Give her the chance to hear you out and see that you're unhappy in your current situation. Like all good mothers, it sounds like yours just wants the best for you and is willing to sacrifice her own life in an effort to see you successful in yours. As long as you show how her help is hindering you rather than helping you, I'm sure she'll understand.

If you've got a query for Quinlan, shoot her an email at chatwithnat.fsu@gmail.com. All published questions will be entered into monthly random draws to win a $10 FSU coupon for Oasis and Out Back Shack.